let me write about the wonderful experience during today's hospital checkup

1st was lung brathing test.
they made me blow into some tube
guess what, they cant record readings for 2 of the tests
because everytimre they ask me to take a deep breathe in and breathe out using ONLY my mouth, i will confirm cough...zzz
and there was one test, i was made to breathe in some methane gas...which was omg...

nxt was ct scan
2 hrs b4 the scan they forced patients to drink some 900ml (300ml at 30 min-1hr intervals) mixture that taste like SUPER DILUTED ORANGE JUICE with sth extra.
drink until bloated

den 1/2 hr b4 the scan tio poke lor
the nurse initially poke at the arm, cannot find vein, end up only blood come out-_-
so it ended up here:

and this thing stuck to my hand for 1/2 hr...now still got feeling got sth attached to my hand lol (yes i was also forced to wear hospital gown LOL)

den comes the ct scan
the machine is cool
but omg, i wonder how many chemicals they inserted into my body via that thingy stuck to my hand
ironically, the scan only took 10 min.zzz

that's all for the day
nxt round of tests on tues.
no more horrible experiences hopefully =X  ¶ 18:37 0 Comments

  seems everyone have their own set of problems
the negative aura lingers

don't worry too much
and continue smiling even when it hurts

for it will somehow work out in the end.  ¶ 22:06 0 Comments

  hmm hospital appointment today
had to take early leave

i think i have grown sian of CMPB.
everytime b4 going NUH must go there to collect payment slip.
dam troublesome.
with more appointments coming= more trips zzz

so today met with a specialist
who apparently did not know anything
BECAUSE THAT BUGGER DOCTOR FROM LAST WEEK LOST MY X-RAY
zzz anyways got checked from head to toe,
and took blood samples (4 tubes! meaning that I have contributed 6 tubes of my blood in 2 weeks >.<)

so more appointments coming my way
need ultrasound of the heart la, lung breathing test, XRay, CT yadda yadda yadda
haiz meaning that i will be missing more lessons
omg i am now struggling to catch up
with bloody flu, phlegm and cough still on
starting to worry abt a lvls...
will I be prepared?

anyway final results will be out on 13/5
if the mass is small, it will be an operation (gulp!)
if the mass is large, some needle bio-whatever will be conducted

i feel so hopeless for once.
why can't I just be a normal, healthy kid like I used to be?
things just went spiralling down since I entered JC.
friends gone,
cca problems,
deceptions,
illnesses,
fatigue,
bad decisions,
underperformance.

oh well
can't change God's will.
life's liddat, eh
one moment you're flying, the next moment you come crashing down to earth...  ¶ 22:22 0 Comments

  i thought that i can start catching up back after missing 2 days of school
BUT NO!
the CMPB had to call my parents up and FORCE ME TO GO NUH FOR MEDICAL DIAGNOSIS
WAH LAU EH
the doctor at CMPB said i could go to any hospital asap, and i was planning this sat
but suddenly this doctor had amnesia and claimed that he ordered me to go NUH immediately the last time
so smart ah
make me miss 1 more day of lesson
and now i must attend that pointless college day
I WAS DAMMED PISSED AS MY CLASSMATES SAW when i left the canteen
HOW CATCH UP WITH LESSONS I ALREADY MISSED?!

den went to NUH after that
INEFFICIENCY SETS IN AGAIN
MY FATHER AND I WAITED 4 POINTLESS HOURS STARING INTO THE SKY
ONLY FOR THE DOCTOR TO SAY "Come back nxt week to see our specialist"
#!@$#!@#$

OMG FREAK!
4 HOURS LEH!
no time to take my dosage of cough medicine
sumore my chem test is tmr!
@#$@#$%@4
NUH IS SO FREAKING FAR.
OMG MY FUTURE APPOINTMENTS...THE TAXI FARES...
GUESS WHAT, TUES GOT CHECKUP AND THUS I MUST TAKE EARLY LEAVE AGAIN
omg MY STUDIES GG LIAO LA
IF THEY DARE FREAKING CHARGE $ FOR THAT CHECKUP I'M GOING TO GO NUTS

WHY CAN'T THEY JUST DO A SCAN ON ME, IDENTIFY THE FREAKING PROBLEM AND DO CHEMOTHERAPY/ RADIOTHERAPY (yes, I foresee I have to undergo this treatment)

ARGH DAM PISSED WITH CMPB AND NUH NOW.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHY IS THIS YEAR TURNING OUT TO BE A SUAY YR FOR ME?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fate is so cruel
but i shall not question it.

There's always a reason behind everything

THOUGH I ALWAYS AM UNABLE TO FIND THE REASON.  ¶ 22:03 1 Comments

  bad cough, so i decided enough was enough and i went to the doctor today
turns out i have aggravated my cough by not seeing the doctor earlier zzz
so got a stronger cough medicine.
and antibiotic pills where 1 pill is equivalent to the bitterness of 4 panadol pills combined tgt
since i got a phobia of swallowing pills and capsules (in pri 1 i swallowed stepsils and nearly chocked to death)
guess what
i vommited half a pill out once i start biting
omg shit la
how recover liddat!?

2 days mc, maybe i not going sch tmr too.
enjoy a quickie rest
but so much things to do when I come back zzz  ¶ 22:49 0 Comments

  ok many things happened during fri so i shall do a quick update

first, the gd news:
I GOT AN A FOR PW! xD
didn't expect it, cos i kinda screw up my OP
every member of my pw grp got an "A"
this would not have been possible without my fantastic leader xuanqi and the rest, Jason, Gek Hui and Charlene.
All of you were wonderful people to work with.

NS Checkup on Friday
took a long MRT ride to Harbourfront and then a bus ride to CMPB
and to my horror, i alighted in some ulu place , because the map showed that after the bus passes by the HP factory, i should alight.
But turned out there were 2 HP factories.
So slowly walked a tiring route to CMPB

Things went smoothly till the chest Xray station
I knew it...there's sth wrong with my chest afterall.
They found a lump in my chest omg...
need go hospital for futher diagnosis zzz...
pray it is nth serious
the most hellish part of the NS checkup is the 2hr aptitude test.
omg my brain went insane trying to identify patterns, solve maths and even PHYSICS qns! There was also some kind of memory test and also a test to measure your typing speed lol

then after that rushed back to nyjc to do ava duty for synergy instead of going straight home
which i kinda regret cos i am already freaking tired and still had to stand for 4 hrs
but i would like to say congrats to AHYONG for winning the Most Resourceful Prize for his magic act. Paiseh that the mic screw up and last min changes, but I had no part in it. Dunno what that sy was doing that day

went home with back pain and fatugue. but the week was not over yet.

on sat had ava exco interview.
glad to see some seniors back.
well, it was supposed to end at about 1.30, but it stretched to 4 oclock.
was damn pissed off with ___; ask so many qns until there's no tmr
also during the interview, __ tried to suan me indirectly in front of the j1s
also asked a qn on ineffiency, a j1 replied that he only received the msg from me that there is a interview the previous day.
YOU THINK IT'S MY @#$@# FAULT?
___ALWAYS GIVE LAST MIN NOTICES.
MAKE ME LOOK LIKE I AM THE ONE TO BLAME.
(no offence to this particular J1)
after a while, i requested that I ask some qns to the j1s as ___ had been asking too much.
when it was my turn to ask, ___ gave a FUCKING sarcastic look, freaking act cute face and hurried me to ask the qn.
plz la, ppl hearing what the J1s say and estimating score, how can you think of a qn at the same time!
not like ___ la, only ask and ask and nvr think b4 he/she say
ended up making a j1 cry
tsk.

Looks are so deceiving.
last yr tot ___will be a gd leader, till ___ showed his/her true colours towards teh end of last yr.
Only act good and look good in front of teachers and ppl, but behind the scenes, ___'s a monster.

i was wrong in my judgement. i dun blame zr anymore.

____, you make me SICK.
speaking of sick, i am still coughing. 5 weeks already. zzz.  ¶ 18:10 0 Comments

  School has resumed back to normal service.
but it just seems tougher now.
more remedials, classes and piling homework.
more intense PE session.
I'm getting tired, very tired.

My mind has been preoccupied with thoughts these days.
Many thoughts.
Many what-ifs.
Some regrets.
Reflecting on my life which is spinning out of control.

"I came to JC, only to find myself becoming a failure."
To what extent is this statement true?

scaryingly enough, if I were to write an essay on this, this statement would be true to a large extent.

and sometimes, I feel change is a screwed up phenomenon of life.

it all went wrong on that day last year when I had to made an impt decision.
guess which day was it.

oh well, shan't be emo-ing and wasting my time. There's no turning back now.
There's a monster at the end of the tunnel. Kill or be killed.

btw for those who are kaypoh, my block test results are:
H2: Chem-S Maths-U Econs-U, H1: Physics-B, GP-C
Rank pts: 21
nth to be proud of.  ¶ 17:59 0 Comments